The 9,000-pound monster I don’t want to give back

Source: TechCrunch

First Impressions

Before heading on a trip to Tahoe last weekend, GM offered me the use of the company’s 9,000‑pound monument to excess – the new 2026 electric Escalade IQL (starting at $130,405) – for a week to test‑drive.
Before you continue, note that I’m not a professional car reviewer. TechCrunch has excellent transportation writers; I am not one of them. I do, however, drive an electric car.

I was immediately game. I’d first glimpsed one last summer at a car show, where regional dealers displayed vintage automobiles. My reaction was “Jesus, that’s enormous,” followed by admiration for its restrained design – I’ll call it “strapping.” Its proportions just work.

The excitement waned when the car arrived a day before departure. At 228.5 in long and 94.1 in wide, it dwarfed our own cars. Maneuvering it up my driveway was harrowing; the high hood and steep slope made it impossible to see what was directly ahead.

I considered leaving it in the driveway, but decided to get comfortable driving it 200 mi to Tahoe City. I used it for everyday errands—picking up dinner, heading to an exercise class. When a friend asked, I quickly clarified that this wasn’t my new car; I was merely reviewing it. It felt like a tank. Five days later, I realized I am that kind of monster.

Escalade IQL on a Snowy Road

Image Credits: Connie Loizos

The Escalade’s performance in a terrible snowstorm won my heart. Below is the journey from “Ugh, this car is a tank” to “Yes! This car is a tank.”

TechCrunch Event

Interior & Technology

• Dashboard: 55‑inch curved LED screen with 8K resolution – more a situation‑room than a car display.
• Front‑passenger screen: Dedicated display for the front passenger.
• Second‑row: 12.6‑inch personal screens, stowable tray tables, dual wireless chargers, and (on the most lavish trim) massage seats.
• Navigation: Google Maps.
• Polarized screen tech: Prevents rear‑seat video from leaking into the driver’s sightline.

Cabin Dimensions

• Seats: Heated & ventilated leather with 14‑way power adjustment (standard in the first two rows).
• Connectivity: 5G Wi‑Fi throughout.
• Super Cruise: GM’s hands‑free driving system. When engaged, the car may drift, triggering a “driver takeover request” series:
  1. Red steering‑wheel icon appears on‑screen.
  2. Seat pulses haptic warnings.
  3. A chime sounds.

Sound system: 38‑speaker AKG Studio system – so good.

Exterior

The Escalade is a handsome giant with a decorative grille that feels almost comically imposing. Its advanced, all‑LED exterior lighting system includes a crystal‑shield illuminated grille, vertical LED headlamps, and choreography‑capable tail lamps. The light show activates when the car detects you approaching via the key or MyCadillac app, greeting you like “Hey, chief, where we headed?”

Pulling up to a glass‑lined restaurant, the headlights flooded the interior, briefly blinding patrons.

Unexpected Nimbleness

Despite its size, the Escalade IQL is surprisingly nimble—not the “sports‑car darting through traffic” kind, but the “I can’t believe something this colossal doesn’t handle like a battleship” kind.

Frunk Frustrations

The front trunk (“frunk”) operates in a finicky way:

• Opening: Hold the button until fully open; releasing early stops the motion.
• Closing: Same sustained pressure required.
• Rear trunk: Requires two distinct taps followed by immediate release; holding too long does nothing.

Power‑Down Quirks

Twice the vehicle refused to power down after shifting to Park and opening the door. Workaround:

1. Open the frunk.
2. Close the frunk.
3. Shift into Drive, then back to Park.
4. Exit the vehicle.

Software Comparison

The software works fine—unless you’ve owned a Tesla. After experiencing Tesla’s seamless integration, other systems feel like compromises.

The Charging Nadir (Tahoe, Winter)

• Battery: 205 kWh pack.
• Consumption: ~45 kWh per 100 mi (higher than comparable electric SUVs).
• Range claim: 460 mi (ideal conditions).

During our Tahoe trip, charging options were limited:

Tire‑Pressure Alert

The next morning the app reported:

• Front: 53 psi & 56 psi (recommended 61 psi)
• Rear: 62 psi (recommended 68 psi)

My husband had to top off the tires at a gas station while ice pelted his face.

Overall Impression (Before the Snow)

If reviewing at this point, I’d say:

• Luxurious and ideal for families of four or more who value space and technology.
• Trade‑offs:
  • Forward visibility obstructed by the commanding hood.
  • Parking challenges due to dimensions.
  • Limited charging infrastructure for a 205 kWh pack.
  • Tires tasked with supporting ~9,000 lb.

It’s a beautiful car, but not for me.

Snow‑Powered Revelation

After eight feet of snow accumulated, the Escalade’s massive weight made it feel like driving a tank through the snow. What could have been harrowing felt serene: quiet, strong, and in control. By week’s end I stopped apologizing for parking maneuvers and stopped caring about the stigma of driving a vehicle that seems to say, “the owner is not waiting in line.” My husband even began to fall for the car.

Additional Image

Image Credits: Connie Loizos

Final Thoughts

When the snow finally stopped and the sun came out, the Escalade was just a very dirty car sitting in the driveway (sorry, GM!). I still like it—not just for emergency utility but for the immersive speaker system and the marvel of the long, curved LED screen.

• The frunk remains finicky.
• Charging where expected proved unreliable.
• Parking is an exercise in patience.
• My strong opinions about unnecessary consumption haven’t changed.

Yet, somehow, I still want this car. When the GM middleman comes to collect it, I may hide it under a very large tarp and tell him he has the wrong address.