Let's talk about grief.

Source: Dev.to

Introduction

Grieving isn’t limited to the loss of a relative. We also mourn the death of ideas, expectations, ideals, and dreams. We grieve for a future that will never be.

I’m no stranger to this. I’ve been mourning a particular future that will not come for years.

We, programmers, software engineers, and coders, are (or have been) in a grieving process. Some may have lost an identity marker, others fear the future, and some mourn a “golden, glorious used to be.” While no two people share the exact dead ideal, we share a common context.

The Grieving Process as a State Machine

The journey can be visualized as a state machine that repeats in a spiral:

S0 → S1 → S2 → S3 → S0' → S1' → S2' → S3' → S0'' …

The final state of the spiral is Acceptance. Depending on how deep the loss sits in your heart, you may touch Acceptance and then fall back into another part of the spiral. This is normal and part of the healing process.

Enumerating the Stages

enum GrievingSteps {
  Denial,      // S0
  Anger,       // S1
  Bargaining,  // S2
  Depression,  // S3
  Acceptance,  // S4
}

Denial

“AI could never replace me. I’m special, the smartest guy in the room. There will always be room for the human spark; I will be needed.”

Anger

“I reject AI. Anything created by it lacks the human touch. Everything will collapse if they keep replacing human work with AI.”

Bargaining

“I need to adapt. I won’t type code, but I’m vital for reviewing diffs. My work and mind are needed more than ever.”

Depression

“Whatever, the world is ending. If AI takes every job, nothing is meaningful.”

Acceptance

“I haven’t reached this state yet. I’ve been cycling through S0 → S3 for a while now.”

The Spiral Gets Smaller

The first loop hits hard—Denial may last weeks, Anger and Depression can feel overwhelming. On subsequent loops, you recognize the states and can anticipate transitions:

“Oh, I’m in S1 again. Cool. I know where this goes.”

The duration of each state shortens:

loop_duration(n) > loop_duration(n + 1)

You don’t stop cycling; you just cycle faster and with less damage. That’s the quiet progress.

What Now?

If you find yourself somewhere in the spiral right now—welcome. You’re not broken; you’re processing. Recognizing which state you’re in means you’re already ahead.

I haven’t reached Acceptance yet. I’m somewhere between S2' and S3' on my third loop. When I finally touch S4 and it sticks, I’ll write about it.

Thanks for reading.