I Have Bipolar II and I'm a Software Engineering Manager. Here's What Actually Works.

Source: Dev.to

Background

I’ve been working in higher‑education IT for over 11 years, earning “Exceptional Year” performance ratings while managing a team of four developers and a portfolio of 20 + applications.
I also live with Bipolar II, diabetes, and I’m a recovering alcoholic (sober since 2020).

If you’re a developer who also manages your own work, this is for you—not a glossy inspirational story, but a candid look at what actually works.

The Challenge

Performance reviews call me a “force multiplier” and a “technical backbone,” but they don’t capture the reality of my hypomanic phases—when I fire off more ideas than anyone can implement—followed by crashes where getting out of bed feels impossible.

• I once sent an apology email to the entire IT organization while manic, unintentionally outing myself as bipolar to hundreds of people.
• For years I used alcohol to cope with what my brain wouldn’t allow. When I got sober, I replaced drinking with work—the dopamine hit of shipping code and the validation of solving “impossible” problems.
• The death of my brother forced me to confront the fact that I was on a path to complete burnout.

The key realization: managing my health isn’t something I do around my job; it is the job. This becomes even more critical when you step into leadership and become responsible for others.

How Bipolar II and Diabetes Interact

• Mood affects blood‑sugar levels.
• Blood‑sugar spikes wreck mood.
• Stress amplifies both.

It’s not a metaphor; it’s how the body works. Trying to brute‑force through it—pushing harder, sleeping less, proving I could keep up—only led to collapse.

Energy Management (Spoon Theory)

If you’re unfamiliar with Spoon Theory, think of each day as starting with a limited number of “spoons” (energy units). Every task costs spoons; when they’re gone, they’re gone. Borrowing from tomorrow incurs a cost in mood crashes or glucose spikes.

Organizing Work by Energy Cost

I built a hybrid system by simply talking through my constraints with AI over several sessions. The components are straightforward:

• GTD for capturing everything.
• Time blocking for structure.
• Pomodoro for pushing through fog.

The key insight: rest isn’t the opposite of work; it’s what makes work possible.

Practical Strategies for Sustainable Management

1. Reusable Code Libraries

Create shared libraries so the team isn’t reinventing the wheel.

2. Meaningful Documentation

Write documentation that actually helps (think “AI memory”) rather than bureaucratic filler.

3. Mentorship Pipeline

Mentor junior developers into mentors themselves, spreading knowledge and reducing reliance on any single person.

4. Automation

Automate tedious tasks—CI/CD pipelines, release notes, deployments—to free mental bandwidth.

5. Reduce Personal “Hero” Mode

When you can’t be the hero pulling all‑nighters, design systems that don’t need heroes. Build processes that keep the team functional even during depressive episodes.

Leadership Lessons

• Make yourself progressively less necessary. This may sound counter‑intuitive for career advancement, but good organizations reward people who elevate everyone around them, not those who hoard knowledge.
• Consistency beats intensity. A steady 70 % output every day outperforms 150 % output half the time followed by long downtimes.
• Psychological safety matters. I’ve had the same leadership for 11 + years; when I struggled visibly, I wasn’t managed out—I was supported. That safety is worth more than any salary bump from a high‑pressure gig.
• Environment is infrastructure. The right manager, culture, and flexibility are essential for anyone managing chronic conditions.

Takeaways

• Don’t pretend you have the same resources as everyone else. Build systems that respect your actual constraints.
• Energy management > time management. Know your peaks and valleys.
• Rest is productive. Treat it as a core part of your workflow.
• Make yourself less necessary. Document, automate, mentor.
• Seek external feedback. Your inner critic often lies; trust the data from teammates.
• Work can be an addiction. Recognize it and set boundaries.
• Work‑life balance isn’t a myth; for many it’s a survival strategy.

I’m still in the middle of managing these loops, still learning what sustainable looks like, and still shipping code and leading a team. If you’re fighting similar battles, you can do this—not by ignoring your limits, but by engineering systems that work with them.

If this resonates or sparks a thought, I’d love to hear from you.