About Invisibility, Propaganda, and Assumptions of Incompetence
Source: Dev.to
It’s the time of the year when I feel most conflicted. Tomorrow’s International Women’s Day, and as I’ve witnessed in past years, it’s usually the time when men start asking about when International Men’s Day is and telling how equality has gone too far. Of course, not all men, but usually a man.
In Finland we also have Minna Canth’s Day and the Day of Equality on 19 March, and in the days between these dates all kinds of weird anti‑equality stuff and trolls pop up. As someone who cares deeply about equality and human rights, this time is a bit stressful.
Minna Canth was a Finnish writer, businesswoman, and social influencer, best known for her work on women’s rights.
If you’re interested in learning more, see the Wikipedia article: .
Anyway, I also enjoy this time of year a lot. Especially Dev’s We Coded has a special place in my heart—reading posts from other people who are from under‑represented genders in tech, and seeing how the community comes together to defend those who receive nasty or uncalled‑for comments on their posts.
This is my sixth time participating in We Coded, and over the years I’ve shared my experiences as a non‑binary woman in tech. I’ve also shared some tips for allies, but last year I decided to focus on my experiences because so many people keep telling me there are no problems and that tech is equal for all. I’m using my efforts to show otherwise, and I’ll continue to do so this year with a couple of tips included.
Naturally, these examples are not everything I’ve witnessed and experienced since March 2025, but a selection of moments. Let’s start with some invisibleness.
Non‑Binary Woman, an Invisible Creature
This has been the first year I’ve fully embraced myself as a non‑binary person. I’m still figuring out the details, so I’ve been introducing myself as a non‑binary woman because I still feel a connection to womanhood. I’ve lived as a woman for most of my life, but deep down I’ve known that I’m not just a woman.
One of the things I’ve started doing is referring to myself with they pronouns. Generally I go by they/she because I’ve decided not to spend too much energy correcting people, so “she” is okay for me for now. When I refer to myself in a bio or any third‑person context, I use they.
Example: While filling out a CV for a freelancer agency last spring, the agency asked me to provide the details and said they would edit it to make it more sellable. I was fine with that—I’m not the best at coming up with hype words to sell my experience.
I wrote my bio using “they”. A bit later, when I opened the edited CV to check something, I noticed the bio had been updated. The new sentences were indeed better at selling my experience, but the pronouns had been changed from “they” to “she.”
I felt so freaking invisible.
It’s one thing when someone makes assumptions about me—I can understand that. But editing my own words, that hurts. And yes, they probably didn’t mean it; they probably didn’t even notice what they were doing.
Tip
Respect the pronouns someone asks you to use, especially the pronouns they use for themselves. If someone writes their bio with certain pronouns, they know what they’re doing. There is a reason for that.
What if Your Existence Is Propaganda?
Last year I gave many talks about creative coding with Kotlin. The talks contained some live coding, and here’s a video of what I ended up building on stage:
Isn’t the ghost cute?
If you’re interested in hearing the whole story, I gave this talk at Droidcon London (two weeks after the talk I’m sharing about):
In the talk, the main idea behind the animation I created was that people are generally happier when they can be themselves. It was partly based on my own story, which I also shared from the stage.
At least two people who sat through the entire talk gave feedback via an anonymous channel that was advertised with a QR code at the very end. One gave only a numeric rating; the other left a written comment:
I saw this comment sometime after the talk, still at the venue. I’m grateful that other speakers around me called the organizer in; they treated it as a Code of Conduct violation. Because the feedback was anonymous, we couldn’t reach out to the individual, but the issue was addressed publicly.
Side note: The London talk went well. I gave a content warning (which shouldn’t have been necessary), and one person left the room, so no one was traumatized by my “non‑binary propaganda” (/s).
Tip
Anonymous feedback can be a great way to gather input, but it needs moderation. After this incident I would rather not use it, even if it means missing some valuable feedback.
The Bad Ol’ Arguments
The year wouldn’t be complete without some ancient arguments—those that the 1990 s want back. Like “I’ve n…
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Ever Seen Anyone Discriminated?
“Ever seen anyone discriminated,” — coming from someone in a very privileged position.
To my surprise, my last year’s We Coded post didn’t receive many negative comments. This time, no one told me that the sole reason I’m in tech is that I’m “just looking for a romantic partner,” or that I’d get a promotion only if someone had “other motives” toward me. No one claimed I was “showing my sexuality down everyone’s throats” (when I was simply sharing my experiences, not discussing sexuality at all).
A Comment That Stuck Out
One comment asked:
Should we lower our standards in the name of equality? Hire incompetent people because we need to check boxes?
I pointed out that this question assumes other genders are incompetent. Another commenter replied that “many employers” have indeed hired less‑competent people in the name of equality. When I asked whether this was based on gut feeling or actual evidence, they never responded—so I’m guessing it was just a gut feeling.
I’m exhausted by this argument. Yes, in the past even mediocre men were hired. Now hiring standards are shifting, and competent people of other genders are being brought on board. Some may feel threatened and claim those hires are “incompetent” simply because they challenge the status quo. It can feel intimidating if you’re in a bracket that won’t get hired because there are others who are more competent than you—people who would have been overlooked before because of bias. It may even feel unfair.
But isn’t the idea that the most competent people get hired, regardless of gender?
Wrapping Up
Okay, time to wrap up this year’s post before it turns into a novel. These are some experiences from a year as a non‑binary woman in tech, who is sick and tired of the inequality we still face. The current world situation doesn’t help, and we need to be even more visible now that there’s a joint effort by far‑right groups, anti‑gender movements, and those who use Christianity as an excuse to erase us.
Of course, it’s not always safe to be visible. It’s important to take care of yourself and your loved ones. So, if you can, shine your light and be visible. I’m trying to do it for myself and for those who can’t.
A Message to Gender‑Minority Folks in Tech
- I see you, and I celebrate you.
- You are enough, and you are skilled.
- When you’re doubting yourself, remember: you’ve come this far, and you’ve got this.
- It’s okay to rest, too—you don’t have to fight all the time.